Bullshit Books - volume II - The Vegemite Painter

Ok so technically this latest installment of Bullshit Books could be ruled null and
void by the blog police because what we're talking about here is not really a book.
But I've decided it qualifies because when Petstarr and I found it at a garage sale recently, I thought it was a book. And besides, this shit is way too funny to disqualify on a technicality.

So before we start, I've just got one question; Are you ready to get down with Peter Browne?

Check it.What we're dealing with here, is a 1st, Limited Edition, mint-condition, straight-out-of-the-jar, straight onto the bread knife, straight onto the palette, straight onto the canvas, straight into the Art hall of fame set of Vegemite paintings by Australia's OWN Vegemite painter Peter Browne.



Do you even know how HEAVY this shit is? Even his SURNAME is Browne. (That's Peter at the canvas with the fuzzy muff beard in the poo-brown shirt.)

And yeah, you read that right. NOT PRINTED IN HONG KONG. PRINTED IN THE ADELAIDE HILLS.



"But hold it right THERE, Raoul," I hear you exclaim, spraying milky tea and well masticated Vegemite toast over your computer screen. "I've spent my whole life, right until this moment in time and space, believing Australia's greatest living artists were (in order of importance): Sydney Harbour Ken Done, Cuddly Koala chewing gumleaves Jenny Kee and Two little boys,tie me kangaroo down sport,paints creepy portraits of the Queen Rolf-Harris!"

"Why haven't I heard of this Peter Browne character before?"

It's a very good question. Maybe you've been in prison, or you've been traveling the world since the early 1980s looking for your biological father. Maybe you sustained a frontal lobe injury after receiving a blunt blow to the head during your work on the docks or maybe you've just been been living under a rock. To my knowledge I am not your biological father and these are matters for you to discuss with your family.

All I know is you would need a pretty compelling excuse for never having at least heard of this man's talents if his fine work doesn't already take pride of place in several parts of your home.

Unlike many of the masters, Peter is not camera shy and his work has appeared on such relevant and contemporary television programs as:

Wilesee
Today Show (the Steve Liebmann years)
State Affair
Simon Townsend's Wonder World
Wombat
Crooks Down Under etc

That's not all. Peter's Browne Bravado has also been featured in:


Australia Post
Sunday Telegraph and
Adelaide Advertiser

But why take my word for it? Here's what someone (probably Peter) has to say about his work under the clever headline "spiel".


"Peter Browne is fast becoming a household name in Australia for his reputation as a Vegemite Painter and has made many public appearances to entertain children and adults alike with his ocker art. His paintings are unique in colour and content, Brown by name and brown by nature. The humourous and satirical nature of his work is a delight to every true Australian with a taste for Aussie Culture. He insists he doesn't try to capture beauty just rust dust and bull dust. This first edition of his work must truly be a collectors item."

Of course Browne's career has not been without his detractors, although their jibes are rarely clever.

"You're shit, Browne," "You're paintings are poo, Browne", they sneer.

Others mock the very substance, the essence, the yeasty life-force of Browne's paintings; Vegemite.

"You've got Alzheimer's Browne. You probably eat paint on toast for breakfast."

But Browne's resolve, like the Vegemite he lavishes boldly onto the canvass is thick and despite his knockers has gone on to produce some of this country's most endearing and recognizable portraits, or as I like to call them, "Kraft singles".

One of my favorites is "Concentration camp". This painting speaks directly to Browne's personal experience in a concentration camp in the 1950s, where in the absence of any paint, Peter first learned to paint with Vegemite, thus bringing brown and white together for the first time. Browne went on to win the Kraft(C) Peace Prize for race relations in 1971.

Here's a further selection.

Emu Races



Training Dingos


American Grafitti

Notice in this painting, Browne is making an incisive social commentary on the cancerous spread of mass consumerism - driven wholly by the US, and the threat is poses the delicate integrity of life in the bush - by juxtaposing the insidious golden arches with the wrought-iron shacks of the township.

Browne faced great difficulty with this piece because of the need for colours other than poo brown. Eventually he had the friend (pictured earlier) punch him in the nose to provide a red substance for the sign, which also served to illustrate the toll extracted by the company from its employees while he used his own semen for the 'M' as a subtle way of telling the restaurant chain, in his own way, 'to go forth and procreate' with itself.



The Grass Is Greener


A Bit Late


Wayward Sheep



Don't go out in the woods...today


Despite his clearly prolific output, Browne has been flying somewhat under the radar for the past few years, releasing only a few Browne nuggets, much to the disappointment of his millions of fans around the world.

But for those of you wondering whether Browne is still regarded as an active and important part of the art world or has been relegated to a Browne skid mark on the canvas of life, I've got news for you.

As this
news report testifies, Browne is still producing work, owns galleries in Broken Hill and is a welcome guest at art shows.

It just goes to show, this is one Browne you just can't flush.

Brown by name and brown by nature.